Winking Wisdom #7: Fashion

I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.

— Gilda Radner

Cyber-Family

My uncle died last week.  Thanks, but no condolences are necessary. I saw him last some two decades ago. My mother’s oldest brother, he lived in Canada and rarely came to the States and our family rarely headed north. Once we got together for assorted Bat Mitzvahs or weddings, but we all grew apart as time grew long. We never visited. We rarely talked on the phone or corresponded even via Internet convenience. We failed to attend celebrations or even funerals — not because we did not have time, but that we lacked motive.

Today, if I passed my first cousins on the street, I would never recognize them.

My family is not close in either my maternal or paternal clans. We cannot blame distance for the dysfunction. Growing up in my hometown, my family always seemed on the oust with one or the other set my dad’s brothers and their kin. Unfortunately, the three brothers all co-owned the same retail business and the familial animosity reached histrionic proportions when the store shuttered and each sued the other.

Today, my youngest sister and I do not speak. When I attempted to reestablish communications, all my past transgressions of the past 50 years were rehashed (I’m truly sorry I laughed when you fell off the bed and gashed your head open when you were 8, but I really didn’t push you off!!!). My middle sister talks to me when the mood suits her. My parents call weekly and we discuss their latest medical test results (going to the doctor and early-bird suppers at Denny’s seem the most highly anticipated social pastimes of the aged). But we never really discuss feelings, emotions, joys, fears or sorrows. Personal barriers protect us from those truths. We end conversations with “I love you” from obligation not affection.

I bought the Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina merely for its first sentence: “All happy families are alike. Each dysfunctional family is dysfunctional in its own way.” I thought he must have met mine.

 I often wonder why my biological family act as they do? Is it our Russian Jewish ghetto heritage (albeit neither Tolstoy nor Karenina came from that milieu)? Is it some Mediterranean hot-blooded cultural tic in Jewish, Greek, Italian and Arab people that make us more vulnerable to family hostility (and Semitic wars)? Was either the nature or nurture of my ancestors’ pedigree so tainted that we repel each other throughout the generations? 

My husband’s relatives don’t act like this. His first cousins and family come to visit regularly. He knows the intimacies of his third cousin twice removed. My in-laws actually enjoy my company. So with marriage I cleave to my husband and his extended family as my true genealogy.

Another wise writer (whose name, unfortunately, escapes me now) said “Our real family is not necessarily the one we were born into.”  The author spoke not just of my marital kinfolk. Friends can become our true family. So can anonymous voices we meet in cyberspace.

While I do not really mourn my uncle’s death, I do deeply grieve over the loss of members of a cyber-family I have come to know well. I mourn the death of my favorite blog.

For the last three years, we gathered together daily, our electrons converging from the far corners of the galaxy to discuss our shared interest in all things Keith Olbermann. (Not quite a strange interest if one is a liberal living in a major red state with unfairly unbalanced ultra-conservative news offerings). 

I made many friends on that site although I really do not know their true names, where they reside, what they do when not blogging, or about their own family situations. I just know that we have laughed, fretted, critiqued, scorned, cheered and ruminated together on the political-social-cultural Countdown stories we shared via Internet and TV set. Together we survived the Dubya Administration, both Republican and Democratic primaries, the 2008 presidential election, Britney Spears, Sarah Palin and the ongoing Iraqi/Afghan wars.

Here and there, glimpses of our true personalities emerged. I discovered a fellow Buddhist on the group. Several of our blogsters realized they lived in the same city, or enjoyed the same hobbies, or cheered for the same sports teams. A few of us became good friends, talked off-line and helped each other through difficult personal times — illness, job problems, pet loss and, yes, family squabbles. 

Because of the blog, I finally understood the appeal of a Sex in the City coterie — the true deep affection of friends who gather together to discuss life, love and Mr Big (our KO). 

Perhaps this says something disquieting about society today. If we seek our most passionate connections through cable or DSL, what does that envisage for the future of civilization? However, maybe in turn, this need to connect on-line speaks volumes about the ills of humanity today.

Unfortunately, blogs (like jobs and relationships, friends and family) often require too much time, energy and maintenance to continue forever. They go adrift and fade into the pixels of cyberspace. They come and go more frequently than the neighborhood fusion restaurant. Blogs, I have learned, become unrelenting and apathetic taskmasters.

Most blogs claim only a few regular readers. To create a blog that truly captures imagination, ongoing interest, feedback, repeat readers, many lurkers, frequent commenters and the attention of its revered subject is rare indeed.  

But, to create a blog that inspires a true community of friends — no a community of family — who mourn its passing as personal, shines as sheer genius and inimitability . 

So, good-bye dear Either Relevant or True. And thank you, Becky and company for becoming my true cyber-family, if only for a while.

Blog Blahs

I didn’t even look at the computer all weekend!  Yes, non-attachment can be a blessing! But makes for lousy blog statistics!  🙂

One of my Buddhist teachers comes into town tomorrow for a couple days, so no blogs planned until later in the week.

Until then — peace and love!

Clap for the Koan: The Answers

A week ago we ran a blog entry about the famous Zen Buddhist koan “What’s the sound of one hand clapping?”  We included a multiple choice poll in search for  the “right” answer.

Now that the election hoopla is over, as promised, here are the koan poll answer(s):

KOAN POLL:

WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING?

(a) whoosh, whoosh
(b) left or right hand?
(c) bear farting in the woods
(d) tree falling when nobody’s around
(e) one toe a tapping
(f) knee slapping
(g) an Aussie dog wagging tail
(h) Mu
(i) am I being graded on this?
(j) do I get a prize if I win?
(k) silence
(l) none of the above
(m) all of the above
(n) other (please include in comment section)

 

ANSWER:  

l

(and)

m

(and possibly)

n

Of course, I could be completely wrong!!!

Yes We Can!

A myriad bubbles were floating on the surface of a stream. ‘What are you?’ I cried to them as they drifted by. ‘I am a bubble, of course’ nearly a myriad bubbles answered, and there was surprise and indignation in their voices as they passed.

But, here and there, a lonely bubble answered, ‘We are this stream’, and there was neither surprise nor indignation in their voices, but just a quiet certitude.

— from Ask the Awakened by Wei Wu Wei

The Children’s Candidate

I wrote this diary entry for the Daily KOS back during the 2008 Texas primary election. In honor of today’s historic election, I thought I would republish it.  

And the little children will teach us….

The Children’s Candidate – more

How Would Buddha Vote?

Joe The Plumber may be a big, bald, happy fellow, but he definitely is not a Buddha impersonator. The non-licensed plumber from Ohio misrepresented himself to Barack Obama during their rope line exchange. He became a Republican shill for no other reason that he could and he manipulated his 15-minutes of fame and UTube notoriety into a potential (and probably unlikely) book and record deal. 

In other words, Joe The Plumber is an opportunistic scam artist whose inalienable Buddha nature remains stuck somewhere inside his colon.

I mention Joe The Plumber because he serves as just one talisman during this seemingly eternal presidential election. Sarah Palin represents another — a politico who offers limited intellect, questionable agenda but who generates ecclesiastical exhilaration among those who seek a Reagan-esque messiah.

Catholics had their Kennedy (Al Smith doesn’t count); Jews, their Joe Lieberman (although he went over to the dark side). Muslims cautiously vote for any candidate who will welcome them.  But how do Buddhists vote?

An article in today’s Houston Chronicle stated that Buddhists in America vote a split ticket. The number of Buddhists in the United States range from 1.5 million to more than 6 million depending on who’s counting, especially since Buddhists follow a variety of practices, groups, philosophies and even non-affiliated meditation

While some would suppose that Buddhists, who tend to take the world as it is (or with a grain of illusionary salt) might profess to be more liberal or independent politically, But, according to the article, that’s not always the case. Traditional Asian Buddhists (those born into the faith), particularly those from Southeast Asia, lean conservative. Memories of religious and social persecution by the communists in their home countries drive many Asian Buddhists into the Republican fold. On November 4, many of them will punch the chad for John McCain.

American Buddhists, those who came to the philosophy/religion from another background, do tend to be more liberal. They may see their ultimate goal to become a bodhisattva, one who renounces personal enlightenment to help other beings. American Buddhists who tend to respect the rights of all sentient beings (humans, animals, plants, even neo-cons) would be more inclined to vote for Democratic candidates who promote programs to aid the disadvantaged. Indeed, a new group calling themselves Buddhists for Obama sponsored numerous events and raised nearly $250,000 for their chosen candidate. A “Buddhists for Joe The Plumber’s Guy” doesn’t seem to exist.

Some American Buddhists take Buddha’s admonishment to “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense” as the libertarian ideal —  not follow political parties and not rely on government to solve problems.

And, according to the article, many Buddhists seek refuge from the campaign noise, chaos and altercations by quieting their mind, meditating, not watching negative TV ads and refusing to answer robocalls.

But for those who ask “How Would Buddha Vote?” in this election, I would have to rely on Buddha’s own teachings, the Eight-fold Path of what leads to a world without argument, conflict and suffering. I guess the candidate who most follows the Eight-fold Path would get, perhaps, Buddha’s vote:

1. Right View — The right way to see the world is simply with an open and clear mind. Right view does not color things with personal agendas, expectations, and fear of what could be. Those with Right View accommodate as events unfold with balance and joy, not hope or fear.
2. Right Intention — Our intentions are pure. We no longer need to be manipulative or base our thoughts or actions on preconceived notions. We work with what is as it comes.
3. Right Speech — If we follow Right View and Right Intention have noting to hide and eschew manipulation and agenda, we never must be hesitant to speak, bluff our way through words, speak in tongues, or lecture with pompousness. We speak what needs to be said, when it needs to be said in a kind and genuine way. Otherwise, we listen and learn.
4. Right Discipline — We renounce all the biases, issues, conflicts that cloud our judgment. We seek an open and honest relationship with everyone and every situation. We drop all the bullshit that impedes our relationships and our ability to act as we should.
5. Right Livelihood — We should perform our job with appreciation and joy for the good it provides others, the satisfaction it gives us, the improvements it offers to the community, If our work causes suffering to ourselves, other beings or the community, we must find a different livelihood that first does no harm and second allows satisfaction for all involved, worker, proprietor, customer, community. Whether politics falls into the realm of “right livelihood” remains to be seen.
6. Right Effort — Wrong effort creates an “us against them” world. Struggle, argument, battles of illusionary good versus evil tears at the fabric of the world. Negative tendencies are magnified in other persons and other groups. However, right effort avoids struggle. Right effort emphasizes nonviolence and understanding and patience. Problems are resolved through skillful means without recrimination. Right effort promotes peace and kindness.
7. Right Mindfulness — Right mindfulness requires precision and clarity. We become aware of all around us, the bug balancing on a blade of grass, the brush of wind against our hair. We become mindful of how we approach others, how we talk with them, how we perform our jobs, how we care for others. With mindfulness we stand straighter, we walk confidently, we remain calm, and we stay mindful of our attitude toward everything and everyone around us.
8. Right Concentration — We daydream. We’re absentminded. We’re addicted to TV, video games, computers, blogs and other vapid entertainment. We lose interest rapidly and seek the different, the newness, the nowness. That leads to a loss of focus.  We lose our place in life. Right Concentration combines all of the other noble paths and emphasizes the need to stop and smell the roses. To be aware that roses do exist and only for a short season. With focus we begin to see gaps in the way world works. We learn that these gaps, rather than empty, provide the insight we need to truly make change in ourselves and our world. Right Concentration stops our obsession with busyness and ourselves and makes time to understand calmness and silence.

While some see Buddhists as nihilists, we actually have been highly political from ancient times. Buddha taught dharma to all interested beings including the lower caste, criminals, royalty and animals.  He allowed women to be disciples. He reluctantly dealt with bureaucracy that politics inevitably entails. He had to establish a strict monastic canon to keep insolent disciples in line. He confronted political deceit by his cousin Devadatta who created schisms in the sangha, attempted a coup against Buddha to take over the Awakened One’s leadership position. Buddha also proposed a “Middle Way” of practice, a centrist position between the extremes of religious mania and depression, so to speak.

Buddhists engage in political protest, whether selfless immolation during the Vietnam War, or much more peaceful and nonviolent marches against the tyrannical Burmese leadership. Today, the Dalai Lama epitomizes the Buddhist “politician” who follows the Eight-fold Path and the “Middle Way” in his dealings with his disciples and world leaders as well as his enemies.

So how would Buddha vote in Tuesday’s election? As far as that hypothetical goes, I guess we’ll just have to sit on it.

 

© 2008 by Winking Buddha Blog.  All Rights Reserved

 

Clap for the Koan (with poll)

Koans function as quizzes in Zen Buddhism. Zen masters use seemingly irrational stories, questions, riddles to debate, test and often totally perplex students. Koans become the veritable nightmare of the unexpected final examination on your first day of physics class. 

Koans shock students from discursive thoughts and offer another path toward awareness.  A student professing insight might receive an unsolvable koan to “validate” such experience. A koan’s answer may be correct, wrong or shift with circumstances. An answer right for one student may be poison for another. The student’s understanding of the koan itself, not necessarily the answer, may be the key to enlightenment.

One of the most famous koans originated with Zen master and artist Hakuin Ekaku:

Two hands clap and there is a sound.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Considered a “beginner’s” koan, the “One Hand Clapping” koan offers a fitting meditation to test readers’ nascent awareness. To make contemplating this teaching easier for non-Buddhists, we will present the koan with multiple choice answers.  

Take your time to meditate, contemplate, a chew on meanings. We will announce the answer in a Winking Buddha Blog soon after the Presidential election (a perfect diversion to take your mind off all those obnoxious political ads and robocalls).

KOAN POLL:

WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING?

(a) whoosh, whoosh
(b) left or right hand?
(c) bear farting in the woods
(d) tree falling when nobody’s around
(e) one toe a tapping
(f) knee slapping
(g) an Aussie dog wagging tail
(h) Mu
(i) am I being graded on this?
(j) do I get a prize if I win?
(k) silence
(l) none of the above
(m) all of the above
(n) other (please include in comment section)

 

Note: 
We attempted to post this with a fancy new Poll Daddy feature 
but it didn't work. 

So we went back to more conventional multiple-choice choices.
Maybe next time!

 

 

Confession

The weather has been so nice here in Houston — in the low 70s, low humidity (great hair day), deep blue sky — that I’ve been spending all my time outside, rather than blogging.

 So, if you stopped by to check us out — my apologizes for nothing new.

But the day and season are new and worth appreciating. Especially after Hurricane Ike.

Enjoy

Winking Wisdom #6: Eschew the Choos

A journey of a thousand miles begins with comfortable shoes.